Karma Police - The Bad & the Ugly

January is almost over (2 more hours for me) and I can't wait for this month to end. It has been overall, the worst month I can remember and is running a close second to November 2009 for the worst month in my adult life.

The year started with my job turning into absolute chaos. Just as I was positioning my plans for the New Year, I had my feet knocked out from under me. It was as if the people I work with decided to wake up and hit 2011 running. Everyday at work it feels like chaos. Emails come in non-stop, people are constantly interrupting and demanding that I switch my focus/attention/priority to their project every 5 minutes. No plan, no strategy and being pulled in every direction, I can't get anything done properly and I can feel myself making mistakes.

Then everything comes crashing down and grinding to a halt as we have to go back for the funeral and I feel like the world is just spinning for 5 days. I don't know where I am, or where to focus. For many reasons, I don't feel like I have had a chance to grieve at all. I am waiting for the auto-pilot to come off.

We come home and a fuse has blown and we have a stinky fridge full of rotten food. Worse, the deep freezer was also affected and there is half a foot (no joke) of chicken and shrimp fluid in the freezer...with all our frozen pizza shells, etc floating on top. At 1:30 in the morning were cleaning, throwing, mopping and bleaching. Then we went to work that morning.

Later that day, I rear-end someone. Coming out by City Centre mall, at the yield onto the main road, he went, changed his mind, slammed on the brakes and *boom* I hit him. Luckily there was little damage to his car (none really) but of course, lots to mine. I felt better after braving the police station on my own and getting my accident papers.

In between all of this, I am taking French. Mondays and Wednesdays for two hours each time. It is brutally hard and I don't know if I can do it. Honestly.

Today, I find out that there might be some changes to my holidays that are booked for when my sister and L come to visit. Because I need to be in the office because of "workload". I thought this might happen, so I had prepared myself and mentioned that "only if necessary, I could do a half day in the morning". The word on the street is that those half days will be full days and no vacation time in Doha with sis and L. When I first heard this rumour I flipped. Serious rage. I later apologized, but I don't think it is over yet.

Coming home from French class tonight, my "check engine" light comes on...

I have had enough. I don't want to use the blog to complain (too late, I know), but I must have done something wrong for the Universe to punish me like this! I am desperately trying to be happy and to stay positive. There was enough negative last year in the darkest and hardest moments of this move. I don't want that anymore.

So I carry on. Time will pass and hopefully things will get better. There are so many things I would like to focus on, happier things like making connections with some new girlfriends I have met and developing some of my own interests (like starting yoga), but I am finding it hard right now. I just want to curl up and hide from the world for a bit.

That's it for now.

Good night. (One hour and 4o minutes until January is over...)